My name is Maxine, or that’s what I want to be called.
I was diagnosed with PTSD and OCD
and this is my story.
It took me a couple of years to at last launch this blog. It’s probably
one of the scariest things I will have done, but I know that this platform will
be the vehicle to finally break my silence.
I’m in my late 30’s and was diagnosed with PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress
Disorder) and OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) in 2015. I had been suffering
long before that, but never had the time, money, or god-forbid the family
support to get help, or to even tell someone else that I was suffering.
There is so much to say. Each post will tell you a little bit more about
me and my life. I want to be heard, I want to cry out loud everything my heart
suffers, or at least what can be put into words.
I have been through many therapies, and to be honest, I didn’t create
this blog to get medical advice through here. I don’t receive counsel unless I
am in a therapy session with my doctors. The sole purpose of this blog is to
uproot this pain from my soul. It is my desire that every word I write will be
a tear that I won’t have to cry again. And at the same time, I desire that each
of these words bring
s solace to millions of people out there on this
planet suffering from the devastating consequences of trauma. Whether this
trauma was caused by child abuse, psychological, physical, or sexual abuse,
growing up in an oppressive home or environment, having alcoholic or addicted
parents, having fought in a war with the armed forces, whatever the
circumstances may have been, they caused a damage and devastation that words
can hardly describe. Trauma can cause
the human mind to believe that there is no hope for recovery from this state of misery, and that mental disability,
social embarrassment, isolation, rejection, addiction and a life that fades
away without notice, will be their only destination.
This blog is a testament of my hope that my wretched life has not ended here,
and that even though I could have committed suicide three days ago, something
inside of me keeps me going. And it won’t let me give up until I see the
realization of the life that I was truly called to live. Yes, there are deep
wounds inside of me that seem impossible to heal and a self, or demon, within
me that all it seeks is to hurt me and take away every breath of joy or
happiness that life may bring along. Even though every day may be like a heavy
cross to bear on my tormented journey, that ends a little when I finally close
my eyes to sleep at night; there is a small flame of fire inside of me that
tells me not to give up, and that the end of this dark tunnel is closer than my
senses can perceive.
And that is the reason I write.
Please read and share this blog’s content with those around you who’s
dying souls could finally use a little water to quench their thirst…a well in
the midst of their abandoned existence.